Does it not bother anyone else that Christian Grey is good at braiding hair?

And that he does it before sex….?

I keep telling myself that I’ll get up in 5 minutes… but I can’t seem to break away from the internet…

so fuck you, internet, I have to do grown up stuff……. 

So many boring: i'm the next passion: of the christ up in this ma'
Denise: your douche-o-meter just grew by just thinking
Kevin Leung: I thought his douche-o-meter was already off the charts
Kevin Leung: before this conversation happened
Denise: it went off the charts as a fetus
Kevin Leung: it went off the charts as sperm
So many boring: yall so cute<3
Denise: you're so not<3
So many boring: thinking you know what douche is
Denise: well, i'm a girl
Denise: so i would know..
So many boring: i swear that heart is like saying fuck you
So many boring: LMFAO

Girl walks in the salon..

Girl: do you guys do nails here?
Me: no
Girl: why not?
Me: … *looks around and back at the girl* because we don’t have the equipment………

“Why not?”…

Who the hell asks that?

How about I go to McDonalds and ask “do y’all make pizza?… Why not??”

“Looking at these pics of Ezra… I’ve never wanted to kiss an ash tray so badly”
– Kitty

KeyTea: "Josh Hutcherson ‏ @jhutch1992 Reply Retweet Favorite · Open
Garry Ross is simply a genius. I can't wait foe everyone to see it!"
...
KeyTea: oh, thank goodness
KeyTea: the e is close to the r
KeyTea: I can pretend it's a mistake

Mom at Taco Bell

Mom: Oh it’s actually a shell made of a Dorito!
Dad and me: …… Yeah…..
Mom takes a bite.
Mom: Oh no. I don’t like it.
Me: Why not?
Mom: Because it tastes like a Dorito..
Dad and me: ………..

I need to add “can take off sports bra without removing shirt” to my resume because that took some skill.